The Miracle of Belief: Holding On When God Feels Far

The Miracle of Belief: Holding On When God Feels Far

(This testimonial was written by one of our incarcerated students, sharing their faith and study of God’s Word.)

Sometimes I ask myself, “Who is God, and how can I find Him?” One answer to this question is that something of the light of God already lies deep in each of our hearts. At times, this is felt only as a deep longing for goodness, justice, purity, or faithfulness. But if such longing turns to faith, we will find God. The early Christians said that if men seek God, they will find Him, because He is everywhere. There is no boundary that cannot be crossed, no hindrance that cannot be overcome.

To find Him, think of Nicodemus, who at first would not believe that he could, in his old age — and yet even he found faith. If I knock at the door, it will be opened. This goes for everyone: God comes to the heart of every person who has faith that He will come, to everyone who seeks Him. But we must look for Him and wait for Him to come to us.

If we live our lives in dullness, it will not happen. We must first seek — only then will we find. It is a miracle of faith when people find Jesus and recognize Him as the Christ. We see this happen in John 4:42 when the Samaritans answer the woman who met Jesus at the well: “We have heard Him ourselves and know that this is indeed Christ, the Savior.” If only this faith were alive here and now in our church, and among the many who thirst for something new!

To the Samaritans, Jesus was just a man — hungry, tired, and thirsty. No ordinary person could have seen in Him the slightest trace of His true identity. Who could be blamed for failing to recognize Him immediately? If we met a complete stranger, we would not straightaway take him to be the Savior of the world. Jesus’ appearance was anything but that of a savior: He was a humble man, who grew up in a small town, came into conflict with religious leaders, and suffered a shameful death. Therefore, it is a miracle when a person comes to believe in Him — when we can say, like the Samaritans, “This is Christ, the Savior of the world,” our heart has been opened and filled with light.

It seems that a new green blade of living faith is beginning to grow in our hearts. Guard it! Do not give in to the flesh or to any form of sin. Prove to yourself, to those around you, and to God that this is a new chapter of your life. Faith and a good conscience are completely interwoven. If we do not listen to our conscience, our faith will suffer shipwreck. If we lose faith, we lose the possibility of having a pure and living conscience. Therefore, the apostle says that the conscience of those who do not believe is not clean. It must be so, because without faith the conscience has nothing to hold on to.

I once met some people who were critical of giving too much honor to Jesus. We were talking about a saying of Jesus, and one of them asked me, “Do you believe this because Jesus said it, or because it is true?” I said, “I believe it for both reasons — because Jesus said it and because it is true.” I have always felt I should have said more. I should have been willing to be a fool and to say, “Even if I did not understand it, I would still believe it because Jesus said it.” These people were horrified that anyone could have such a childlike faith in Jesus. Anyone who has not been troubled by the scandal of Christ’s suffering and His complete humiliation is ignorant of the meaning of belief in Him.

The Bible says, “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.” He was not sent to condemn the world but to save it. But it also says that the world will be judged because of its unbelief. We must be overwhelmed by what it means that God so loved the world. Then we will see how terrible it is not to believe in Him. We must ask God to awaken in us a deeper faith — a faith that meets all personal problems, all problems of communal life, and ultimately the problems of the whole world

Peter told Jesus he was willing to die for Him, but he still denied Him three times. None of us can say he will have the strength to endure; such strength is possible only through the power of God. He alone can give us strength. When people seem lonely and unsure of themselves, it is often because they do not believe deeply enough that God fully understands them. Paul writes that if we love fully, we will understand as we are fully understood. John’s words are very important too: God loved us before we were able to love Him. This is what we must let enter our small hearts and hold on to: the love of the great heart that understands us fully.

We live in a time when the whole world is in turmoil, and we can expect even more shaking events than we have already seen. There is only one hope, only one thing to hold on to in every situation: Jesus and His kingdom. In life and death, in joy and judgment, He remains our only Savior. As Paul warns us, false and dangerous teachings are widespread, even among so-called Christians. Let us therefore remain simple and childlike in our faith in the Son of God and the Son of Man, and let us build our lives of brotherly love on the rock of this faith.

I sometimes wonder, “Why are there so many people today who cannot find faith?” I think there are several reasons. Some are satisfied with what is happening. They are proud to be living in a time of great culture and civilization, and they are blind to the suffering of humankind and the whole of creation. They have lost sight of God. Others despair — they recognize the injustice of man, and they suffer with those who are oppressed. But in their compassion, they forget the guilt of man, the guilt we all must bear. And if they do see guilt, they see only the guilt of a certain class or nation, not the guilt of all mankind. They see the creation, but not the Creator. They too have lost sight of God. Still others see the sin, guilt, and weakness of man, but they have no heart, no patience with the oppressed, and they do not suffer with them, because they have lost sight of God. They do not hear the cry of all creation. They have no real faith — or they have found faith only for their own souls and not for suffering humanity.

We can find faith only if we first find God. When we have found God, we will begin to see the need of man from His viewpoint, and we will believe that He can overcome this need. Men must recognize that God loves the world — even in this so-called civilization. Men need to hear that God still loves them and loves His creation. The message of faith is a message of love. We will never be able to prove — even to ourselves — that Jesus exists. Belief must be an inner experience. As long as we try to prove the object of our belief intellectually, our efforts will stand in the way of such an experience. I am not able to prove the existence of Jesus. I have nothing but my living faith. Thomas doubted that Jesus really rose from the dead. He said, “Unless I put my hand into His wounds, I will never believe.” Then he saw Jesus and believed. But Jesus said, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.”

To question God’s love and His nearness leads to death for someone who has already given Him his life. It is good to recognize evil in oneself, but we should never doubt God’s great mercy — even in judgment. Doubt leads to torments that make a person feel as if he is living in hell. We must be led to an ever-renewed deepening of our faith. Anyone who thinks he is too great a sinner, anyone who doubts that Jesus can help him, binds himself to the devil. He doubts the victory of the cross and hinders the Holy Spirit from entering his heart. This doubt must be rejected. After all, the Gospel says that Jesus carries the sin of the whole world, and that he who seeks will find; to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Christ, the Living One, died on the cross to reconcile all things to God. This reconciliation is beyond our human understanding, but we do know that it is possible for each lost soul — and that we are called to repent and find it.

The only answer to our inner torment is faith in God. This might sound theoretical, but faith is the only point where life can truly break into our lives. Think of the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus teaches His disciples to pray. He says that if you lock yourself in your room and pray in secret, God who sees in secret will reward you.

Do this and believe that God hears you. Then you can and will find God’s grace. There is redemption from evil if you believe. Jesus wants us to stand against worry, which is ultimately a lack of trust in the Father. Become free from worry and care; set your heart at rest and simply trust in God and in Jesus. You write that it is always the little things that make you doubt. Do not allow this to happen. God wants to show us great things. He has been there from the beginning, and with Him—the Word, Christ—everything was created by Him. Think in great curves of God’s creation and His eternity.

I want to encourage anyone who feels discouraged because of unsuccessful attempts to follow Christ. In and of ourselves, we cannot follow Him; we are all equally unable. But that is because our dedication to Him is not complete. Only when we empty ourselves completely, when we give everything over to God, can He work. As long as we work in our own vanity, we will fail. God shows us again and again how terribly we fail and how we stand in His way, both as a church and as individuals. Discipleship is not a question of our own doing; it is a matter of making room for God so that He can live in us.

Randolph B.